Ask any parent how their child unwinds after school and you’ll often get the same answer: they don’t, really. Homework spills into screen time, screen time bleeds into a rushed dinner, and bedtime arrives before anyone has stopped to breathe. The result is a household where everyone is busy but no one feels rested.
Self care is the missing piece here, and it isn’t about scented candles or expensive gadgets. For children, it is simply the habit of noticing what they need and acting on it. The good news is that this habit is learned, and home is the best place to learn it.
The problem with “just relax”
Telling a tired child to relax rarely works, because most children don’t yet have the tools to do it. They need small, repeatable routines that make rest feel normal rather than something reserved for the weekend. Below are five that fit around real family life.
1. Protect a wind-down window
Set aside twenty minutes before bed with no screens and no pressure. Reading, drawing, or simply talking about the day all count. The activity matters less than the consistency. When the brain learns that this window signals rest, falling asleep becomes easier.
2. Let children own a small choice
Self care grows from a sense of control. Giving a child a genuine say, whether that is choosing the weekend meal or deciding how to spend a free hour, teaches them that their preferences matter. It is a quiet way of showing them their wellbeing is worth attending to.
3. Move for the joy of it
Exercise is often framed as a chore or a target. At home, it helps to reframe movement as play: a walk with the dog, a kick-about in the garden, a dance in the kitchen. Children who associate activity with enjoyment carry that link into adulthood.
4. Name feelings out loud
Emotional self care starts with vocabulary. When adults say things like “I felt frustrated today, so I took a break”, they model that emotions are normal and manageable. Encouraging children to name what they feel, without rushing to fix it, builds resilience over time. This is something the pastoral approach at Palmers Green High School reflects, where emotional wellbeing sits alongside academic progress rather than behind it.
5. Build in genuine downtime
Not every hour needs a purpose. Boredom, far from being a problem, gives children the space to imagine, rest and recover. Resisting the urge to fill every gap is one of the kindest things a parent can do.
Small habits, lasting benefit
None of these ideas require a timetable or a chart on the fridge. They work because they are woven into ordinary days, repeated gently until they become second nature. A child who learns to rest, move, choose and reflect at home is far better equipped to handle the demands of school and, later, the wider world.
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The families who see the biggest change are usually the ones who start small and stick with it. Pick one of the five, try it for a fortnight, and see how it settles before adding another. Self care is not a project to complete but a rhythm to keep.
You can find more on the school’s wider approach to pupil wellbeing at https://pghs.co.uk.
*This article was contributed by the team at Palmers Green High School, an independent day school for girls in North London with a co-educational nursery. Known for its warm, family atmosphere and strong focus on pastoral care, Palmers Green High School supports pupils to grow in confidence, curiosity and wellbeing throughout their school years.*
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